All the things I embrace as new are in fact old things,
re-released.

“Peanut Butter” -Eileen Myles

There is a wild garden with prayer flags and bird feeders
in Sedona. At the center, more prayer flags stretching out to four corners.
The idea, I learned, was to circle for a time.
Turning the wheel of self,
the wheel of fortune.

I’m not so sure now.
I think the circling finds us,
less reflective,
more spinning wheels and tire ruts.
Circumambulating our fears.
Life playing
part prayer wheel
part carousel
always spinning.

It’s just that sometimes I get dizzy.
And I like to think I don’t know who’s at the helm,
Cruel monk or crazed carnie.
But it’s me.
The whole freakshow.
Fortune teller, Ringmaster, ticket taker, bearded lady.
I’m everyone.
That’s what happens when the ride stops.
I’m everyone I ever dated. I’m the ones who didn’t show up.
I’m my parents, my children, god and the devil.
I’m every point on the circle
and
I’m no one.
click, click, click.
“Right this way miss. Watch your step.”
And it’s quiet after the show.
And it’s okay.
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